Not So Convenient
by Jilly-chan
Summary: or: What to do in a Convenience Store while it's being Robbed. This is an insane little piece. Primarily about Dorothy, but a whole cast of anime characters turn up for the evening's adventure. Very unlike my normal stories. I was bored. Beware.


I Hope That Gives You Something By Jillian Storm  
  
(Disclaimer: Insanity. Insanity. But, I do want to thank Hilary, Rissah and Alithea for their marvelously ludicrous suggestions that I tried to manage in a respectably ludicrous conglomeration of their ideas. Warnings? Crossover, alternate reality, bizarre and racy girl stuff-guess who's suggestion that was? Alithea, I'll never manage to be as racy as you! *bows* Well, read this when high on coffee or sugar, you might like it better. But for all of it's purposes, thank you for helping me finally get past this terrible boredom!)  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, but did we just drive right past the park?" Dorothy leaned against the side of the car and frowned at her reflection in the mirror. She pursed her lips at herself, then her frown deepened. It had been a long car ride and she needed to stretch. And if someone didn't fix the air conditioner, she was seriously going to melt. She could feel the sweat just under her lower lip.  
  
"Hon, it's almost midnight. I thought we'd given up on the park?"  
  
"And you're still not going to let me roll down the windows, I'd imagine?" Dorothy refused to glance back at her would-be-girlfriend. At this rate, Juri was going to be getting nowhere tonight.  
  
"It took me forever to curl this hair, I'm not going to let a little vanity mess them up."  
  
"Vanity?" Dorothy's eyebrow twitched. Something in this picture was very wrong. She wondered if mentioning how humidity always caused Juri's hair to fall would help her situation in anyway. But as the miles pulled them forward, she knew the chances of stopping at the state park were ridiculous. The site was probably long closed. Then with a wicked thought, Dorothy smiled. That also meant that they were insanely late for this stupid reunion as well.  
  
And even that lateness didn't keep them from stopping to pick up the hitchhiker.  
  
Dorothy rolled down the window, "Um, hi." Whatever sharp and insulting remark that had half formed itself in her imagination froze on her tongue, even though it was still roughly 85 degrees at midnight with pressing humidity. The stranger was a tall, imposing figure. With raven dark hair and ghostly white skin, the red of her lips was a surprising contrast. While the strange woman smiled . . . playfully.  
  
"Do you need a ride?" Juri called out, ducking so she too could see the woman, but even so she could only see up to the woman's fair neck line. Neck line. What a neck line. Dorothy made sure to close her mouth and to look upwards. Upwards.  
  
Dorothy wondered in passing how Juri, driven and powerful Juri, could sometimes be so oblivious to what was right in front of her.  
  
"I'd . . . like . . . that." The woman said in a rather sultry voice. Was it intentional, Dorothy wondered. Or was the humidity causing everyone's voices to be husky?  
  
After another fifteen minutes, this time with Dorothy painfully aware of the buxom woman sitting just behind her, Juri said quaintly, "Well, now you're quiet. I'm glad you see things my way, but why have you changed all of a sudden?"  
  
"I hope you never have to understand why." Dorothy crossed her legs and pushed her fists into the top knee. Chewing her bottom lip.  
  
"Gas station!" Juri said triumphantly, still apparently enjoying herself, even though she was over six hours late for her high school reunion.  
  
"Gas station?" Dorothy fidgeted. She didn't know if she could sit in an unmoving car with ~that~ woman behind her. It was bad enough as it was with Juri there to talk to herself and at least make it appear as if everything was normal.  
  
"Need to fuel up!"  
  
"Do you even know where we're going?" Dorothy whispered to herself, and as soon as Juri had pulled into the 24 hour convenience store, Dorothy already had her door open and was stepping out of the car. "Need . . . um, . . . strawberry yogurt!"  
  
"What a girl." Juri said with a bemused expression on her face and slid her credit card into the pump.  
  
Dorothy tried to push through the door, then almost shame faced took a step back in order to pull it open. The cool of the over air conditioned joint made her sunburned shoulders shockingly chilled. It had been a long drive and the two of them had stopped at many such stations. Each one surprisingly just like the one before. In fact, Dorothy believed should could find the cappuccino machine with her eyes blindfolded.  
  
She bumped into someone.  
  
"Ex-excuse me." The relatively plain young man said in a soothing, yet youthfully bashful voice.  
  
"Oh aren't you just so proper!" Dorothy snarled a bit, taking out her frustration on the stranger. He flushed prettily. And she had to admit, he was pretty. Even if he was hiding it behind that mask. "What's with the mask?" She asked bluntly. Then glancing down, "What's with the tux?"  
  
He blushed further. "I'm in disguise."  
  
"I can see that." Dorothy put a hand on her hip, "Who are you hiding from?"  
  
"My girlfriend."  
  
"Do I ever understand that feeling." Dorothy pushed her hair back from her face and left her hand resting on top of her head, sighing. "I mean, she's great and all. And sometimes she really wows me with her attention, but really! We pick up this total stranger and I'm completely checking her out, not like she wasn't wearing clothes that just begged to be noticed in. And wow, was she well . . . developed. I mean I'm not bitter... but God damn!" From where her hand rested Dorothy could still feel her temperature rising in spite of the cooler indoor temperatures. "Are you listening?" Dorothy asked, noticing as the young, dark haired man hid behind a rack of pretzels and travel mix.  
  
"Hiding!" He whispered harshly, trying to motion Dorothy away.  
  
"Whatever." Dorothy turned, her attention taken by a super large bag of sour worms.  
  
"That's the last time I take directions from a cat."  
  
Her ears pricked at that, glancing up she saw a young couple. Him, glancing through the magazines. The young woman, rather too much tomboyish for Dorothy's tastes, was studying an unfolded road map. Her companion, overly dressed in black leather might have been glowing red because of the ridiculously warm get-up or because of the way he kept stealing glances at the girl.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Well, he seemed like such a reliable cat. And Aunt Sally always told me that I had an untapped ability for communicating with nature. Although, I think she was meaning more of my abilities as a water witch than someone who could understand Siamese cat dialects." The girl shook her head, her carefree black hair tossed about with the violent movement, "But being a water witch can be just sooooo dull. I get these calloused hands see. You don't like that do you, Hee-chan?"  
  
The boy glowered, but still flushed red with delight. Dorothy wanted to gag when he finally spoke dripping with affection, but there was an almost promising, mischievous lilt to it, "You'd look good in this hat, Hilde. Do you want it?"  
  
"Buying something? For me?" Hilde, Dorothy gathered, grabbed the floppy red bonnet and trying it under her chin took one look in the mirror. "Crap, Heero." She tossed the hat back at him, "You have the worst sense of humor ever. Now stop distracting me."  
  
"At least this time you're using a real map . . ." The young man in leather murmured, then ducked as Hilde made to slap him with it.  
  
Dorothy rolled her eyes. Catching them again as they came down from the ceiling, she saw two seedy characters coming out from the men's rest room. Granted, she was more open to people with alternate lifestyles but . . . then she noticed that the reason why they were reaching for their shorts was to pull out small handguns.  
  
Reacting, Dorothy immediately pulled back and hid among the Tostitos and the bags of Ruffles with ridges. Of course, she observed, Pringles would be on sale at this place-then there would be a blasted hold-up to ruin it all. Suddenly tempted, Dorothy reached for a can and pulled off the lid. Well, who would really notice?  
  
"Spike-o, don't tell me that's a gun?" It was a man's voice, thick, old and whiney. Dorothy wrinkled her nose. Sounds like a bald guy, she took a peek, leaning out just enough to see the speaker from between the end display of Little Debbie snacks. She almost had the paper seal off. Yup, bald guy.  
  
"Looks like it, Jet. It may be just my imagination but then again you can never tell in a place like this." The other fellow was tall and floppish, reluctant to stand up his whole height, rail thin, and shoving his hands way into his pockets. Dorothy smirked in satisfaction, this Spike was a kindred spirit as he suddenly took the opportunity to open a bag of orange rings and popped at least two of them into his mouth. Chewing slowly and balancing back up treats around each finger of his right hand.  
  
She chewed her Pringles thoughtfully and listened.  
  
To her left were sharp whispers,  
  
"What are you thinking? Don't be a hero, now!"  
  
"But that's my name?!"  
  
Had everyone except the cashier noticed what was about to happen?  
  
Snapping another Pringle between her teeth, Dorothy slid to her left, passing the couple from before. Hilde, sitting on the ground, chewing on some black licorice. Hee-chan, hero, or whatever his name was glanced up at Dorothy for a moment, before being distracted by his girlfriend. Attacking the loose end of the licorice and meeting her in the middle of chewing for a sloppy kiss.  
  
"I didn't just see that." Dorothy moaned, inching her way down the outside aisle. Feeling the additional chill from the refrigerators. Oh! Green tea. That sounded nice. She tried to pull open the door, making an uncomfortably loud popping noise as the door's suction unsealed.  
  
Suddenly, it was shut again noisily. Held in place by a young girl's determined hand.  
  
"What are you doing?" Dorothy hissed.  
  
"One day you too can have all this." The girl said cryptically, "But only if you pay for it."  
  
"What's with the sailor get-up?" Dorothy said, forgetting herself and forgetting to be quiet.  
  
"Shh!" The girl said frantically waving her hands around and making her skirt swish upwards around trim thin high school girl legs. Not that Dorothy didn't already appreciate the altered school uniform. And the honey-colored pig-tails were cute too. "I'm hiding from my boyfriend!"  
  
"Bashful, dark-headed guy with a black mask?"  
  
"Hmm," The girl put a finger to her lips thoughtfully, "Sounds like him. Dark hair, black mask . . . could be."  
  
"I don't think there is anyone else here wearing a mask. Not even those bandits."  
  
"Bandits!" The girl squealed. "Where? What? Crime? Must . . . stop . . . crime. But what if he sees me? I'm sooooo torn!"  
  
"I think he already knows you're here. He's hiding from you." Dorothy eyed the glasses of green tea again and wondered if the sailor girl was distracted if she could grab a bottle.  
  
"That sounds just like Arima, avoiding me all the time. What have I done this time?" The girl's brow furrowed.  
  
"Avoiding ~you~?" Dorothy puzzled over the mutual confusion of young romance.  
  
"Nobody move or the stuffed bear gets it!"  
  
"Finally," Dorothy sighed, hearing the gunman's voice. "What an original." She added sarcastically. Giving up on the tea for now and passing the girl who seemed still petrified at the truth that the masked boy was hiding from her too. Dorothy was almost to the front of the store and could see where the attendant was almost more scruffy looking that the badguys. A tall, ragamuffin wearing what seemed to be a karate outfit of some sort with a huge Japanese character on the back. He was leaning against the counter, trying to catch the last moments of a soccer game being rerun on the late night sports station. Watching sports on the television of what should have been the surveillance camera's picture.  
  
"The bear gets it?" The teenaged attendant, although he was a small giant in stature, seemed unconcerned, "Wait just a moment, can't you see the game's almost over?"  
  
"Should we do something?" It was that Jet guy's voice again.  
  
"Nope." Spike, licking his fingers, "They really only have a decent bounty on themselves ~after~ they commit the crime."  
  
"That's it!" The pair of criminals acting together, one with the bear's feet securely in his fists, the other beginning to twist off the head forcefully.  
  
"Aha!" The apparent spokesperson of the two-some, held the bears head high- showing they meant business, following through on their threat. Then, when the convenience store employee continued to ignore him, threw the bear's decapitated head at his back.  
  
"Who are you demented guys?" The boy turned suddenly, "My team lost and I'm pissed."  
  
"Uh, um." The bandits began to twitch. "Nobody. We're nobodies really!"  
  
"Just vile extras from Trigun!" wailed the second, still holding the bear's body by one half-torn leg.  
  
"Get lost." The towering youth, glared at their poorly drawn backs until the Trigun extras were lost into the dark of the outside night. He glanced around the store. "I expect all of you to pay for each and every product you're currently chowing down on right now, or my name isn't Sanosuke Sagara!"  
  
***  
  
Dorothy went back to get the tea. At least if she were going to pay for the Pringles on sale she could splurge a little.  
  
"Excuse me." She said, stepping over the leather dude and Hilde who, tangled together, had forgotten about the licorice. The little, high school girl with the tiara had finally been caught in a back hug by the masked boy, who was pushing a fist full of roses into her face. Dorothy was sure that Sanosuke Sagara wasn't going to be letting little Arima get out of the building without paying for those either.  
  
Back at the counter, Sanosuke eyed her skeptically, taking the open Pringles, green tea and asked coldly, "Is that all?"  
  
"Um, no." Dorothy eyed the boxes of cigarettes behind the counter. Then her eyes lifted, "I'd like one pack of un-stretched, high snap action, Catatonia rubber bands please."  
  
The spiky haired youth raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask to see some ID for that."  
  
"Please . . ." Dorothy sighed, longsuffering, while holding out her wallet.  
  
***  
  
As she walked back to the car, Dorothy started to wonder why Juri hadn't come in to find her. Her girlfriend always filled up on credit, but Dorothy was surprised she hadn't come in to look after so long. Hadn't she noticed?  
  
Nearing the car, Dorothy got a funny feeling of intuition. She automatically reached for the box of fresh rubber bands. All the windows were rolled down. Two feet balanced out the far back seat window, one still wearing the elegant, dark, heeled shoe. The other with curled, bare toes.  
  
"And one day I'll be a dancing rhino... could you please just focus?"  
  
It was Juri's voice.  
  
Dorothy's eyes widened. Maybe Juri hadn't been immune.  
  
Taking aim, Dorothy primed and launched her first weapon.  
  
Juri's mussed hair and flushed face suddenly appeared in the near backseat window. "Oh, Dorothy, darling." Juri's smile was wolfish. Then she glanced downward, adding as if in explanation, "I hate it when she does that."  
  
"I guess we're forgetting the party now?" Dorothy growled.  
  
"Forgetting? What party?" Juri tossed her hair, her eyes rolling back for some indiscernible reason. Okay, Dorothy felt her heart race, she could imagine.  
  
"At least let's go some place else. This place got old fast."  
  
"No problem." Juri wiggled her eyebrows, "But, um. You drive."  
  
The end. 


End file.
